Last Summer into Fall, I quietly extended a challenge to myself. I wanted to challenge myself like never before to celebrate 10 years of survivorship. I settled on the North Face 50 Mile Endurance Challenge at Bear Mountain.

I told very few people because it was just too crazy, even for me. At that point I was a totally casual and fairly new runner. I had run exactly 2 races: both 5Ks (which are very different than 50 miles). But I started planning; I started training; I started racing. I hired a coach. And I ran....

But from the beginning this was less about the results and more about the trying. This was a ridiculous, incredibly aggressive goal that I set for myself. And big goals come with equally big risks. I knew how unlikely this goal was, but I wanted to try. I wanted to push myself to see what I could do.

I thought of it as a crazy adventure who's end was totally unknown. I ran a couple of trail half marathons. Worked my way up to a cold winter marathon-turned-50K. I've run in all kinds of weather. Run into bears and snakes, and dodged bad drivers (of whom there are many!). I've even gotten up insanely early to do vomit-inducing speed drills with my coach. In short, I've had a blast! I've discovered that I really love long-distance trail running. I've discovered whole new levels of fitness. I have strong legs and a stronger heart.

And then I got sick. I assumed I was out of the race. I've debated my options.

But I keep coming back to my initial challenge: to see what I could do; to have a grand adventure. So once again, I accept that challenge! Unless I suddenly take a turn for the worse, I plan to run on Saturday. And I plan to run in the 50 mile race. I have no idea how I'll do - I never really did. I'll run as far as I can, walk when I need to, and stop when I have to - that may be at 6 miles, 20, or 34. Who knows? It doesn't really matter.

What matters is that this is the race on which I set my sights. This is the race I wanted to try. And it's the trying that matters.

There will be other races to think more about results. For now, success is about the attempt. And so, in a way, I've already succeeded. I've trained hard, accomplished far more than I ever imagined. I've managed to remain injury-free. Yes, there have been little dings and aches & pains, but no major injuries. If I hadn't gotten the flu, I would have been quite well-prepared. That alone counts as a big success.

So, this Saturday, at 5:00am, I will be starting this race, my race. I'll be running with a sense of adventure, success, and celebration.

And I'll be running with the knowledge that the very biggest success is that I'm able to run this race at all.

Julie